24/09/1997 Fun with Dick and Janet
(Double Length Episode)
Dick
receives an unpleasant order from the home planet on the hour-long third-season opener: he must marry the Big Giant Head's
niece Janet. As Sally, Harry and Tommy escort Janet on the rocket to Earth, the bride-to-be sets out to prove that she's a
true domestic goddess, brushing up on her skills by reading The Joy of Cooking, The Joy of Sex -- and The Joy of Yiddish.
But a defiant Dick is sticking by Mary; whether Mary will stick by Dick is another question. Meanwhile, Janet's arrival in
Rutherford is anything but quiet: Officer Don suspects that aliens have landed.
08/10/1997
Tricky Dick
Dick
and Mary take out their frustrations about their broken engagement on each other and begin an elaborate game of practical-joke
one-upmanship, while Sally eyes her disinterested yoga instructor and Tommy reluctantly joins a garage band, with Harry as
his roadie
15/10/1997
Dick-In-Law
Dick
inadvertently lets a huge skeleton out of Mary's parents' closet when he accompanies her on a trip to see her folks, while
Sally adjusts to new closet space when she temporarily moves in with Nina.
29/10/1997
Scaredy Dick
Dick
turns out to be a scaredy cat when faced with the prospect of a physical exam. Meanwhile, Sally and Tommy house-sit at Albright's
house on Halloween night -- that's bad news for neighborhood trick-or-treaters -- and Harry stays home alone, except for some
very weird noises coming from the basement.
05/11/1997
Moby Dick
Dick
is forced to diet when he discovers he's put on an enormous amount of weight.
12/11/1997
Eleven Angry Men and One Dick
Dick
longs for the chance to administer his "unique brand of jurisprudence" when he's called for jury duty; Sally falls for an
"artist"; and Tommy and Harry help Albright with a "preverbal" project.
19/11/1997
A Friend in Dick
Dick,
friendless after his breakup with Albright, tries to shoehorn Officer Don into his life as best friend and constant companion...
with mixed results. Sally shanghais the slickly popular dancer Peter Connelly ("King of the Jig") to Johnny Foam's Cafe as
a sacrificial lamb for her moody artist boyfriend Seth, and is horrified to learn that rather than the dark and tortured soul
the fell for, Seth is a poseur... and a jig fan. Harry tries to get a job so he can buy Tommy some roller blades, but lacking
the required diploma, he must first weather the indignities of night school.
03/12/1997
Seven Deadly Clips (Clipshow)
The
Solomons reflect on their sinful ways in an episode that illustrates their misdeeds in clips from past episodes.
03/12/1997
Tom, Dick and Mary
Tommy
tells Dick he'd really like to meet a woman closer to his real age, say someone like Angie Dickinson. Sally says it's time
for her to go out and look for a real job. Dick thinks Harry's watching far too much television and orders him to give it
up for a week. Tommy goes to Mary's to return her magnifying glass that Dick has broken, and Mary observes how immature Dick
is. They start talking and are immediately engrossed in a discussion about the Aztecs. Their mutual attraction is obvious.
Sally is hired as an assistant by Webber, a man who's very impressed by her appearance and couldn't care less about her lack
of typing skills. Dick is wild with curiosity when Mary has a lunch date with a mystery man named Tom. August tries to resume
her relationship with Tommy, but he tells her he's seeing someone. Tommy asks
Dick if he's still interested in Mary, and Dick pretends he couldn't care less; Tommy couldn't be happier. Sally likes her
new job, but she's already been advised that she must learn to respect her co-workers. She takes this advice so seriously
that when her boss starts hitting on her, she somehow thinks she's at fault. She goes to see Nina who quickly explains that
her new boss is a creep and she's the one being harassed. Dick shows up and begs Nina to tell him who Mary's been seeing;
Sally tells him that right now Tommy's at Mary's house. Dick rushes to Mary's and confronts Tommy who tells him that this
is the happiest he's been since he arrived on this planet. He tells Dick that it's too late, that Dick already gave him the
all clear. He tells Dick to leave or he'll call the cops. Sally threatens Webber with violence, and she loses her job. Dick
shows up at Mary's again and starts fighting with Tommy over Mary. Mary tells Dick to grow up, but after putting up a good
fight, Tommy tells Dick that he can have Mary back. Mary has no idea what's going on and is even more puzzled when Tommy tells
her there's no hope for their relationship.
17/12/1997
Jailhouse Dick
Dick
thinks he's doing the right thing when he offers to personally rehabilitate a criminal, but winds up doing more harm than
good; Sally tries to help Mary find a new home for Pepper; and Harry struggles to complete a book report on Little Women.
07/01/1998
Dick on a Roll
Dick
hurts himself playing in a wheelchair, which puts him in one for real -- and turns him into an angry advocate for handicapped
rights. Meanwhile, Dubcek's daughter Vicki visits but decides to become celibate, much to Harry's chagrin.
21/01/1998
The Great Dickdater
Dick
decides that it's time to date again, so he goes to Sally and Officer Don for advice; Harry and Tommy find a wallet with $200
in it, and return the money to the owner.
25/01/1998
36! 24! 36! Dick! (Double Length Episode)
Venusians
disguised as gorgeous babes plot to plunder Earth of its riches in an uproarious episode that climaxes at Super Bowl XXXII
in San Diego. When hordes of beautiful women start showing up in sleepy Rutherford,
Ohio -- and seem enthusiastic about dating average Joes like Dick, Harry, Tommy, and Officer
Don - Sally suspects that something's amiss. Before she can warn anyone that the women are really Venusians bent on dominating
Earth, they discover her and force her to become one of them. The Solomon men embark on a country-wide search for Sally that
ends at the Super Bowl, where the lethal lovelies have planned to unleash their most devastating weapon yet -- the ultimate
beer commercial, designed to enslave mankind into coughing up the rest of their pricey consumer goods. In the supervixens'
lair, the Solomon men seem defeated, but with the help of Sally, who only pretended to turn against them, and Venusian Mascha
[ Cindy Crawford ], who's been won over by Harry's simple charms, Dick and company jam the commercial broadcast, explode the
mother ship, and convince the supervixens that a career in modeling might suit them. Meanwhile, Albright and Nina's plans
to attend the Super Bowl are thwarted when the Solomons steal their tickets to gain access to the Venusians, and back in Rutherford,
Officer Don throws a decidedly low-key Super Bowl party.
28/01/1998
Pickles and Ice Cream
Harry's
pet follows him to Earth -- in human form; Sally visits her first gynecologist and decides to pretend she is pregnant.
04/02/1998
Auto EuroDicka
Dick
has casual sex with a woman he meets in line at the movies, then doesn't understand why Dr. Albright gets upset when he keeps
talking about the encounter. Dick learns that the woman is the mother of one of his students, Bug, whose father and brothers
pay a visit to Dick in an effort to teach him to show a little more respect. Sally decides she needs her own car, and she,
Harry, and Tommy learn about the joys of shopping at a used car lot, where they learn that the salesman is decidedly not a
"friend who's there to help."
25/02/1998
Stuck with Dick
Dick
wants to get back together with Mary, so he's in luck when they find themselves locked in the school library overnight. Meanwhile,
Sally, Harry and Tommy search for Dick. Their first (and only) stop: Mary's house.
25/02/1998
Portrait of Tommy as an Old Man
Tommy,
tired of having to handle all of the "kid" duties [when in reality he's the oldest member of the mission], decides to retire.
After he spends some time at a retirement home, he changes his mind, realizing that a big part of what makes you old is acting
-- and being treated - like your old. Dick, thinking that Mary is anguished because she never got a chance to fulfill her
fantasy of becoming a torch singer, tries to help her to realize that dream. He learns that sometimes the choices we make
between two career paths can be right on the money. In a moment of weakness, Officer Don steals a pair of Sally's panties,
and makes a series of vain attempts to return them without being caught in the act.
01/04/1998
My Daddy's Little Girl
Albright's
father walks out on his wife and into Sally's life, while Harry walks into Rutherford
College's vacant radio studio and begins his career as a shock jock.
15/04/1998
The Physics of Being Dick
Dick
demands that Sally and Harry go to work, so she signs on as Albright's research assistant and he gets a job tending bar. Then
Dick decides on a career change for himself (he wants to be a cop) after a disastrous Career Day at Tommy's school.
28/04/1998
Just Your Average Dick
John
Cleese is hotshot Dr. Liam Neesam, and he's a little too good at everything he does. Albright is getting fed up with the fact
that Dick -- and the rest of the Solomons, for that matter -- are "weird." "It's like being around the Addams Family," she
moans. So Dick sets out to make his brood "average," and succeeds so completely that Albright finds him boring. Enter the
off-kilter Dr. Neesam, who she thinks is kind of charming.
28/04/1998
Dick and the Other Guy
Dick
has a rival for the title of Pendelton's nuttiest professor -- and a rival for Albright's affections -- with the arrival of
the mysterious Dr. Liam Neesam. Meanwhile, Sally feels that she's losing her touch with men after Don seems to lose interest
in her.
06/05/1998
Sally and Don's First Kiss
Sally
turns to romance novels for inspiration when it's time for her first kiss with Officer Don. Unfortunately, whether they try
it on a windy, moonlit bluff or in the Solomons' kitchen, the kiss just isn't special enough. Sally becomes resigned to breaking
up with Don, but when she goes to the police stable to tell him, the magical combination of horses, thunder, lightning, and
Don's newfound forcefulness combine to make Sally realize Don's the guy for her after all. Dick is perturbed because Lucy
the cafeteria lady charges him -- and only him -- for crackers. Realizing he has no control over her inexplicable dislike
for him allows him to free himself from being bothered by her unjust treatment. Harry graduates from night school, and he
and fellow classmates Mrs. DeGuzman and Larry reminisce about all the great times they had together during their ten-week
enrollment.
13/05/1998
When Aliens Camp
Dick
takes the family camping as a mission bonding activity. At the campsite, the family and Mary all become angry with Dick --
the family because he lies about bringing Mary along after he tells them it's "family only," and Mary because he tells her
the family doesn't mind she's coming along. After they all cast him out, Dick goes off by himself and attempts to form a new
society with a troop of Beaver Scouts he encounters. The Solomons assume Dick is lost and set out to find him. They (especially
Sally, who resents her command being usurped) initially reject Mary's offers of help in finding Dick... until they realize
she knows a lot more about the outdoors than they do.
20/05/1998
The Tooth Harry
Mary
is asked to appear in a new Pendelton University
promotional video. Dick whines until he is also allowed to participate. Unfortunately, neither of them shares the director's
vision of what their "performances" should be like, and they are unceremoniously replaced by other "actors" (including Tommy).
Harry volunteers to drive Nina to the dentist. A romance develops, but fizzles when the money Harry leaves under Nina's pillow
as a Tooth Fairy reward is misinterpreted, and Nina, highly offended, throws him out. Officer Don gives Sally a key to his
apartment, but his glee soon turns to gloom when she starts seeing the place as less of a love nest and more of a one-woman
party zone that she can trash whenever she wants to. When Don calls her attention to her inconsiderate behavior, she apologizes
-- but he still takes back his key.
20/05/1998
Eat, Drink, Mary
The
Solomons wind up their third season -- and perhaps their mission on Earth -- with a romantic dinner party that turns predictably
raucous. The chef is Tommy, who has just "come out" as a gourmet. The guests: Dick and Mary, Don and Sally and Harry and Mrs.
Dubcek's amorous daughter Vicki, who is back in his life. The trouble is, Vicki's jealous ex-boyfriend is hot on her trail.
He's also hot to "put a hurt" on the competition and kidnaps Harry just before he transmits a message from the Big Giant Head.
The other Solomons miss the communiqué, which promises devastating consequences for the family.